Posts tagged mom
Posts tagged mom
I’ve been avoiding writing a real entry here… for 3+ months now? And I guess it’s because I haven’t had anything uplifting and positive to say specifically from the perspective of my own life. The only feeling I have had since returning to the subject of my faith and abuse has been to confess my pain, trials and changes. The darkness I brought back into my life is something I’m still fighting; That, and the circus that is my family.
Part of these experiences might help to put into perspective my struggles with suicide, fear and faith… And maybe somebody out there can relate and know they’re not alone in their struggles.
I’m going back home tomorrow for spring break… I haven’t been back in approximately 2 months.
My mom lost her job and has been home all the time. My brother specifically noted how he didn’t “want that around [his] children” because she’s been angrily threatening to kill herself.
Even now as I write, I can picture her contorted face hissing her usual, “YOU don’t love me. YOU don’t care about me. Life would be easier for everyone if I were just DEAD.” I’ll try to tell her I appreciate her, but she cuts me off - “Ohhh Nooo you don’t, no one cares, don’t LIE to me, you don’t love ME.“ She then paces fast towards the stairs to go up to her room (slamming a door), and a few minutes later, I can hear her barking on her cell phone at my dad.
