Posts tagged schizophrenia
Posts tagged schizophrenia
He says that his workplace is purposely sending young girls across his path at places like the bank, the grocery store or even in restaurants so that they can build a false case against him as some kind of pedophile. Being my only contact with my family, my dad now keeps his phone turned off nearly 24/7 because it’s “so obvious"[ly] bugged.
He says that the guys in security at his workplace follow him everywhere. He doesn’t like to go out in public as often.
My friend says the stress of taking care of my ridiculously dependent and psychotic family, age, his heart attack and a lot of other things must be contibuting to this severe paranoia. Just when I thought my sister was 10x more than fine, she turns schizo. When I know my dad is okay because obviously, mental illness isn’t in his family line, this winds up happening.
I feel like Alice in Wonderland. To top it off, just before I left to come back to my College-Town, my brother winds up going to a psych ward for attempting to kidnap his own child, having beaten my little brother [who was babysitting] up in the process.
Me and my little brother, so far, are the only ones who appear sane in this large family. Little do they know that I’ve been extremely suicidal for half my life and I have no idea if it’s because I’m crazy too, or if my family situation/child neglect would genuinely be a devastating problem for any human being to deal with. I hate that mormon families have overwhelming amounts of children. If only they knew what choices like that can mean if responsibility slips period, or even at the slightest form of mental illness. There is nothing more painful than feeling alone and like the only freak in a room full of people.
"Growing up in any family can be challenging at times, but there are often special problems and challenges for families in which one or several family members have a mental illness. Members of these families often have to deal with instability or unpredictability. Often there is confusion in family roles, and children or other family members may have to take over many of the adult responsibilities, such as taking care of younger brothers and sisters or managing household duties normally managed by adults. They may even have the responsibility of taking care of the emotional or physical needs of their parents. Children and other family members in these situations do not always receive the care and nurturing they need. They may feel ashamed to talk about their situation with others and consequently may withdraw from relatives or friends who could help them or support them. Often unable to articulate their needs, even to themselves, these individuals frequently feel isolated and alone.”
Individuals who cope with chronic and severe mental illness in the family may also experience other difficulties outside of their family-of-origin relationships. These may include:
I went to on-campus therapy for the first time today… We only had a half-hour to talk so it wasn’t life changing or anything. I told her the basics about some of the neglect and I told her about my sister’s schizophrenia. She knows about my self-esteem and that I’ve been suicidal before. …At one point, she started telling me that they were a little booked with clients and she told me that if I was on the school’s health insurance, I could take the bus to some other therapist far away and get ten free sessions. I told her that I wouldn’t go to therapy at all if I couldn’t get it here, being that it was my first time and I was only trying to give therapy a shot.
I don’t know what to say. I’m apprehensive and skeptical, but I want so badly to talk about everything and try to get help. Even though it’s her job, part of me wants to feel like she really cares.
Has anyone seen a therapist before and what was their experience??
She doesn’t know about my family and she doesn’t know about my past
She doesn’t know how incredibly lonely I’ve been the past week
She doesn’t know how afraid I am of my life
But she drove me to her house and we watched a movie.
We laughed and we talked about small things.
We played a board game, watched tv together
and enjoyed the company of a visiting friend.
She dropped me off at home and drove away.
Nothing too far from the old ordinary thing
But there are two extremely significant feelings I have right now that I want to share with you:
1. I’m drained.
2. I’m calm.