Posts tagged suicide
Posts tagged suicide
This might be a panic attack, I don’t know. But I’m freaking out inside. I had to leave class before the anxiety got worse. I went to a bathroom to half-cry, knowing that people will still have to see me afterward so it can’t be an ugly cry. Now I’m in the library, with no place to go. I have another class in an hour and a half and I need to go. I want to be better.
I don’t know. It started with me thinking about my dad. My mom and my dad. And thinking about childhood memories. I tried to think of good things, but there aren’t many good things with my parents. And when there were good times, I found myself aching for them. Pining to go back to when my parents loved me those sometimes. And when I think more about it, I can never go back. I have to keep going forward with the scarce friends I have now. And then I think… “What is wrong with me? What is so wrong with me that not even my own parents wanted me?”
I live with 5 other roommates off-campus and we all commute to school. 1 is male, the rest are female.
00000 <— social fulfillment/ roommate tallies
On our third day having moved in, the male confessed his love for one of the other roomies. It was not returned and everyone in the house was/is disgusted that he placed himself in the shoes of a bachelor. The females have been avoiding him in fear that he will accept our kindness as an invitation to build falsely perceived romantic feelings. We pursue non-committal time with him that we’re comfortable with to keep things on an even keel.
_0000 - strike!
Two of the four other females in the house are practically conjoined at the hip. Where one goes, the other goes. Now to be specific: One is hero, one is sidekick. Sidekick… pardon my exaggeration… is an empty reflective shell. She wears a mask of kindness, but has no intention of investing personal time in anyone besides hero. Therefore, she is not a social resource in the house for anyone else. BUT - when hero has gone away, sidekick uses her trusty backup - backup.
Backup has an awesome boyfriend who befriends any and everyone. When they are together at the house, it draws everyone into the living room and it’s impossible not to feel united with the house. But when boyfriend has gone away, backup is constantly doting around on sidekick, either trying to work with hero or find a moment to steal moments with sidekick out from under hero’s nose. She is hardly a social resource unless (ironically) her boyfriend is around.
__u00 - halfsies
Trailer for the upcoming documentary “Bully”, which will be released on March 30th.
I heard there was a lot of controversy over this movie being rated R because kids need to see this movie so they petitioned for it to be changed to PG-13. Anyone know what happened?
^Yes: The MPA rated it R due to “Language”. When a film has five or more expletives, it is beyond the PG-13 rating and becomes R-rated. “Bully” producers got into a huge argument with the MPA over this, after which the MPA has threatened to give the movie an NC-17 rating instead (which, if you’re unfamiliar, means that kids and teens are completely banned from seeing it—with or without adult accompaniment). The producers responded by basically saying, “Well, fine, then we’ll just call it Unrated” — and presently there’s a huge fuss going on between them, but this is all the public knows of it so far.
I know I’m going to cry so hard my whole face will swell like a cabbage. Seriously.
I also hope they do a segment on children on colour being bullied. Because that’s a big issue too. I remember being bullied by my OWN race, to the point where I wanted to kill myself all because they thought I acted “white”. Another story for another day though.
This is an underrated threat to children/teenagers all over the world, especially those that already live in homes infested with negativity. Many parents feel helpless or are ignorant of the severity bullying can have on the ego of our youth and I’m thankful this film has even been made. Since it’s not going to make its’ way to anyone under the age of 18, (those who need to see it the most) I think we should reblog the hell out of this until suicides rates among teens/children decrease.
Currently struggling for clarity. Things seemed to start getting better before, but life feels inconsistent and terrifying right now.
I find myself feeling absolutely insane as a slow, strikingly uncomfortable heated sensation rises in my chest and infectiously stiffens my muscles; And the only thing I want to do is run, hide, or explode into a thousand excruciatingly vivid pieces. I used to go on walks once or twice a day, blasting music just to drown out any feeling and be as far from reality, pain and stress as possible.
It’s hum is low during the day, and completely absent as soon as I wake up from a nap or sleep. But when I’m with friends and I feel singled out, or when I think about my family/future, or simply when my self-esteem feels like I’m in a (major) threatening situation… every psychological structure/ounce of faith comes torturously crashing down on me and It feels like my soul is shrieking and tearing itself apart. These unexpected spouts of immediate internal paniced-self-attack are abrupt, and inconveniant in being emotionally available in normal social situations.
I’ve started working out everyday/every other day and I think it’s changed something about myself… chemically.
It used to be easy to let my heart drop miserably into my stomach as a result of the self-inflicted thought that I was alone, unlovable, and a complete and utter failure. It worked when a friend wasn’t available to hang out, or when I had just received a bad grade or when, especially, I compared my family and parents to my friends’ families. It was the most immediate way to channel the stress/pain that occurred within my trials, and from my daily troubles of life. This endless cycle seemed like all I could do at the time.
But since I’ve started working out consistently, I can’t even muster up one lousy sniffle.
It’s unbelievably miraculous the psychological changes that have recently taken place. I feel somewhat formidable in the presence of those who once made me shrink in inferiority. I don’t feel sorry for myself throughout the day, or sorry for the facets of my family… I don’t constantly pine for the embrace of a loving mother or the functionality of a structured family. I can’t place a single searing thought into my heart except it be for the anxiety in expanding my wisdom/faith of the Gospel, for the preparedness of the U.S. Air Force, and for keeping up with my ever-exhausted dad.
This scene in Watchmen illustrates the unseeming coincidence that is our existence. No matter the circumstances of our lives, we each have an eternal purpose that reflects the magnificence of our worth.
Mortality is a period of testing, a time to prove ourselves worthy to return to the presence of our Heavenly Father. In order to be tested, we must sometimes face challenges and difficulties. At times there appears to be no light at the tunnel’s end—no dawn to break the night’s darkness. We feel surrounded by the pain of broken hearts, the disappointment of shattered dreams, and the despair of vanished hopes. We join in uttering the biblical plea ‘Is there no balm in Gilead?’ (Jeremiah 8:22).
We are inclined to view our own personal misfortunes through the distorted prism of pessimism. We feel abandoned, heartbroken, alone. If you find yourself in such a situation, I plead with you to turn to our Heavenly Father in faith. He will lift you and guide you. He will not always take your afflictions from you, but He will comfort and lead you with love through whatever storm you face.
"Growing up in any family can be challenging at times, but there are often special problems and challenges for families in which one or several family members have a mental illness. Members of these families often have to deal with instability or unpredictability. Often there is confusion in family roles, and children or other family members may have to take over many of the adult responsibilities, such as taking care of younger brothers and sisters or managing household duties normally managed by adults. They may even have the responsibility of taking care of the emotional or physical needs of their parents. Children and other family members in these situations do not always receive the care and nurturing they need. They may feel ashamed to talk about their situation with others and consequently may withdraw from relatives or friends who could help them or support them. Often unable to articulate their needs, even to themselves, these individuals frequently feel isolated and alone.”
Individuals who cope with chronic and severe mental illness in the family may also experience other difficulties outside of their family-of-origin relationships. These may include:
For his anger endureth but a moment; in his favour is life: weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.